


and there's something i'm supposed to say, but can't for the life of me remember what it is.

by shanegray



Series: camp rock cinematic universe [2]
Category: Camp Rock (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, baby fic but subvert it, conversations about a main character having previously terminated a pregnancy, conversations about a main character having struggled with addiction, i should buy a punching bag and name it shane gray, i'm not sure if this fic is a reaction to my middle school self being subjected to years worth, mitchie is an overachiever about to get her phD, of evangelical camp rock fanfiction, or simply just the fact that i am Like This, shane is professionally depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25481233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanegray/pseuds/shanegray
Summary: “Spit it out will you?”“This isn’t - I’ve been pregnant before. Once.”Warmth starts creeping up his neck. Shane feels suddenly very dizzy, trying to remember what alternate universe he just stepped into where she wasn’t a virgin when she met him because she cannot possibly be telling him what he thinks she’s telling him.“What, what are you talking about when-““About nine years ago,” she says and there’s a note of compassion hidden beneath the directness and he knows she’s gonna say it even though he knows exactly what she’s talking about.
Relationships: Shane Gray/Mitchie Torres
Series: camp rock cinematic universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183490
Kudos: 39





	and there's something i'm supposed to say, but can't for the life of me remember what it is.

There was a lot more joy in the air than Shane realized there would be.

It had all happened rather quickly. Mitchie, ever the organizer, had scheduled her phD almost down to the minute. So when the two of them announced to their inner circle that she was pregnant the week she gave her dissertation, approximately nobody was surprised.

“If she didn’t have a project she’d die,” Caitlyn says, lounging almost effortlessly against the end of the couch and nursing a vodka rocks.

Shane snorts from the opposite end of the sectional.

“I heard that,” Mitchie calls from behind the kitchen counter, looking up from the plate of mini quiches she was carefully arranging.

“Do children count as a project?” Jason asks.

“Absolutely not,” Connie says, who was in town for commencement and had been taking her role as the real adult in the room very seriously. She takes the plate from Mitchie to pass it around to the gang on the couch. “Time consuming, however.”

“I suppose parenting is a new skill,” Nate muses.

“So I’m learning,” Shane says, "I think every Amazon order so far has just been like, book after book after book.”

“Damn Shane,” Caitlyn says, “I didn't know you learned how to read.”

“Ha,” Shane says once, dryly.

“Incredible actually that your wife is being awarded her doctorate tomorrow and you essentially dropped out of middle school to start a band,” she continues.

“Wait hang on-“

“No really I think it’s impressive that between you and Mitchie you have three entire degrees."

“Enough!” Mitchie interjects, not really sounding strong in her conviction but finally sitting down with a glass of sparkling water, handing a second one to Shane.

Shane stares at the glass in his hand for a moment. He forgets to hate being sober until he’s in something like a social setting. It’s like a little reminder of what makes him almost other.

“I think Shane's very smart,” Connie adds in that defensive mom sort of way.

Shane looks up, blinking for a moment. “Thank you, I always kinda thought I was but-"

“You’ve always had street smarts sweetheart, life experience you know? You two balance each other out."

“Wait a minute,” Mitchie says, trying to decide if she was offended or not.

“To Mitchie!” Jason interjects, raising his own glass and clearly trying to change the subject before Mitchie could ask a follow up question.

Everyone raises their glass, following Jason's lead.

“God how did this happen,” Nate says, “you guys have a life and I have a whiskey soda."

“At least you know the bottles coming home with you, eh?” Caitlyn nudges Nate.

Shane doesn’t expect the laugh that bursts from the bottom of his chest.

“If this bottle comes home with me I won't be up in time to pick up Brown and Steve from the airport tomorrow,” Nate says. “Which, you’re welcome by the way,” he adds pointedly at Shane.

“I’m busy!” Shane says. “Wife getting a diploma and everything.”

“After which she will be taking care of herself properly I hope?” Connie says.

Mitchie waves a hand. “We have a doctor's appointment Wednesday. If they say I should slow down then I’ll take it into consideration.”

“Sure you will,” Caitlyn says.

Mitchie groans. “I know what I’m doing.”

“You know approximately 10% of what you’re doing.”

Nate laughs loudly for a second, and then very quickly stops. Mitchie gives him a short lived glare and the air feels almost stale.

“I think I'm going to get ready for bed,” Connie says suddenly, getting up from the chair by the fireplace. “I’d tell you guys not to stay up too late but.” she shrugs, kisses Mitchie on the top of her head once and then does the same with Shane.

“Night mom,” Caitlyn yells after her. “Can I crash in the other guest room? There's no way I'm driving back to the valley only to be back in Westwood tomorrow.”

“I'm shocked you asked actually,” Mitchie teases.

“It’s like you have a kid already,” Caitlyn smiles. Mitchie smiles back. Shane doesn’t and he doesn’t quite know why.

* * *

It’s three days after commencement when she confesses.

“I have to tell you something,” Mitchie says at about five times her normal speed.

Shane blinks, straightening up a little. “ok.”

“I’m not...entirely sure how to say it but it uh is probably gonna come up at some point next week and I think hearing it from me would be-“

“Spit it out will you?”

“This isn’t - I’ve been pregnant before. Once.”

Warmth starts creeping up his neck, Shane feels suddenly very dizzy, trying to remember what alternate universe he just stepped into where she wasn’t a virgin when she met him because she cannot possibly be telling him what he thinks she’s telling him.

“What, what are you talking about when-“

“About nine years ago,” she says and there’s a note of compassion hidden beneath the directness and he knows she’s gonna say it even though he knows exactly what she’s talking about. “When you got sober last time.”

It's quiet. He wants to get up, to move, to maybe smack the back of his hand against the wall, but his feet seem to have lost contact with his brain.

“So what, you-“

“Yeah. Two weeks after I found out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Shane.”

He hates that voice, he hates the way she can make his name sound so defeated and pleading and it makes him go back to every fight they’ve ever had.

“Don’t. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It had to be my choice.”

“You still could’ve told me I would’ve, it would always have been your choice I-” he stammers it out, not knowing where to even start.

“No. It really wouldn’t have been.”

They stare at each other for a few moments, and then she gets up to pace.

“You don’t remember enough of what it was like. And on one hand I’m grateful that you’ve managed to repress enough of it on the other God, Shane.” She stops to look at him, begging him to understand.

“I was in my second year of school and you weren’t even allowed to be left alone for more than an hour and Jason had to babysit you every day and-” she takes a deep breath. “I was terrified. And you were so sad and if you got attached to the idea for even a second then it would become about the Shane Gray recovery arc 2.0. It wouldn’t _be_ my choice then.”

Shane finds his footing then, and then finds himself on the opposite side of the room.

“So you've kept this to yourself for what? Ten years? Except for your mom I assume you told her when it happened?”

“..Yes,” Mitchie falters.

“What who else then, Caitlyn?”

Mitchie pauses for a second. “And Nate.”

“Nate.”

“Yes.”

“You told my brother you were terminating a pregnancy in which I was the father and you didn’t tell me.”

“Shane-”

He thinks he’s actually seeing red this time.

“Shane, he's my best friend too. My mom and Caitlyn were thousands of miles away, he's the best friend I had out here.”

“I need some air.”

“Shane,” she pleads again for the almost infinite time.

“I-love you,” he says definitively. “I need some time.”

Mitchie follows him to the hall table, and watches him go for the easiest pair of shoes before grabbing his keys.

“Are you ok to drive?”

Shane gives a small nod. They look at each other. Shane wants to reach out to her, wants her to comfort him.

“I'll see you later,” he says, and shuts the door behind him.

* * *

Shane's really not trying to go to anywhere specific when he pulls out of the garage. Sunset is nearly empty for a Monday and he opens his sun roof and lets the wind replace the stereo for a while until, expectedly, inevitably, he ends up in Nate's driveway.

He wishes that it was more irregular for him to just show up outside his brother’s house off of Laurel and Sunset, but he’s an extrovert with too much time on his hands and the gate code.

“Hey,” Nate greets him, opening the door before Shane could even insert the key in the lock. “You hungry? I was just about to order lunch.”

Shane blinks. “What, uh, no. no. I’m not hungry.”

“Is that a no you aren’t hungry or no you haven’t thought about eating yet and you’re gonna steal my food when it gets here,” Nate says, stepping aside to let Shane in.

Shane doesn’t move, not registering the movement.

“I'm getting you a California wrap I'm not sharing,” Nate looks up from his phone. "Are you coming in?”

“Yeah.” Shane doesn’t move.

“Shane.”

“Right.” They step into the foyer.

“You’re starting to freak me out here, is everything ok?” Nate’s eyes widen in panic “Fuck is it Mitchie? Is Mitchie ok?”

“She's fine,” Shane says.

“Then what did you,” Nate's face twists into something even more worried, “did you take something?”

A flash of anger flares up in the bottom of Shane’s chest, he tries to shove it down as much as possible. Shane knows it’s a valid concern, he knows his family worries about him, but it’s almost like the verbal confirmation is what makes his blood boil.

He's not angry at Nate for caring about him. He's angry at Nate for reminding him that Mitchie might be right.

"Why didn’t you tell me Mitchie was pregnant in college?”

Nate’s shoulders tense up, and then deflate before looking back at Shane.

“She told you?”

“Yes.”

“Because you have a doctor's appointment this week and it's medically relevant so it was gonna come up.”

“Yes.”

“Well fuck,” Nate says, attempting casualty. “How are you feeling?”

“Not great actually,” Shane bites.

“I can imagine.”

“It doesn't matter how I’m feeling what matters is that you didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t tell you because I honestly haven’t really thought about it in ages. And because she didn’t want you to know and she didn’t have to tell you.”

“I'm not some floozy she met in a bar we’re married! We’d been together for like five years by then!”

Nate snorts.

“What?”

“Floozy. It’s funny,” Nate shrugs his head semi apologetically.

“Nate!”

“Sorry. Sorry.”

“You’re my brother,” Shane continues, “didn’t you feel _any_ sort of loyalty to me?“

“Of course I did, why do you think I went along with it.”

Shane doesn’t say anything. Nate rubs a hand over his face.

“Sit down will you?”

Shane stands awkwardly for a moment, then complies. Nate has this big leather couch that’s soft and warm and engulfs him the moment he sits down and it’s absolutely not the mood Shane was going for.

“She’s my best friend, you know? I was protecting you but I was also protecting her,” Nate says.

Shane lets out a semi-audible sigh. “I know."

“For what it’s worth I don’t think she would’ve even told me if Caitlyn lived here back then. She didn’t trust any of her school friends to like, not call TMZ or something and she needed someone to take her and hold her hand and all that.” Nate pauses. “Metaphorically. I stayed in the car.”

“So she went in, had an abortion, then you both came home and we all hung out like nothing happened.”

“Actually I think you were still at Jason's when we got back.”

“That’s worse right? Like you see how that’s worse?"

“Listen,” Nate says, “can you honestly tell me you wish you had an eight year old right now?”

Shane shakes his head. “No of course not that’s not what this is about.”

“Then what-”

“I should've been there,” Shane says, finally. “I fucked up she needed me and I wasn’t there and-"

“No, Shane, she understands,“ Nate starts.

“It doesn't matter I should’ve been there.” Shane responds.

“Yeah, maybe,” Nate says. “but there were bigger things you needed to take care of.”

“Yeah.” Shane scoffs in spite of himself.

The buzzer rings. They both look up.

“Listen, I’ll grab the food, you find something to watch.”

“Yeah ok,” Shane says, avoiding Nate’s gaze

“Shane.”

Shane's eyes dart to the sideboard, to the wall, and finally meeting Nate's stare. Nate gives him a small smile.

“It’s ok. Everything’s ok."

* * *

The kitchen is empty when Shane comes through the garage sometime around dusk. He turns the lights off behind him as he walks through the hall, pawning his shoes off at the front door.

He loves this house. They've talked about moving somewhere with more grass, moving out of the Holmby Hills, somewhere with a back house they could convert into a recording studio, but it’s never really gone anywhere. They've been here their entire adult lives, and judging by the everything about them, they’ve never been good at changing any sort of long term fixture.

He opens the door to the bedroom to find Mitchie standing in her bathrobe, her hair damp like she just took it out of a towel.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi,” he says back.

“I want to ask where you went but I don't want you to think I'm not giving you space,” Mitchie tells him.

Shane gives a half chuckle, no more than a quick exhale and a smile.

“I went to see Nate.”

Mitchie shakes her head. “Shane he had nothing to do, it wasn’t his fault he-”

“No, no. I know,” he interjects. “It was, nice actually.”

Mitchie’s demeanor softens. “Yeah?”

Shane nods and crosses the room to join her, resting his head in her lap.

“I'm sorry,” Shane says, mostly to Mitchie's calves.

“What are _you_ sorry for?” she asks, frowning.

“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I needed to be. I'm sorry you had to be taking care of me when I should've been taking care of you.”

“Shane,” she says, reaching to stroke his hair. “That's not how a relationship works.”

“It doesn't matter,“ Shane starts to mumble.

“No listen to me really,” Mitchie interrupts him. “It was just a bad time for all involved ok? Did I want to talk to you about it of course I did. But I was scared and totally out of my league and I was trying to keep us both afloat.”

“You shouldn’t have had to do that.”

“Maybe. But I’m not sorry I didn’t tell you. I am sorry that I hurt you.”

It’s silent for a while, Mitchie continuing to thread her fingers through Shane's hair in that way she does.

“Did you mourn it?” he asks eventually.

“No,” Mitchie says without hesitation. “I felt, relieved.”

Shane's brow furrows against her thigh.

“That wasn’t our baby. This is our baby. This is our future. That was just, a side effect of a bad year.”

“Yeah,” Shane says, more clearly this time. 

“Hey Shane,” Mitchie says, low, like she’s telling him a secret. “A December due date, you’ll be getting your ten year chip."

She was right. It hadn't even crossed his mind.

Shane sits up to look Mitchie in the eyes. She was smiling at him in the way only she could and the way that made something behind his heart sing with a sort of humility.

He smiles back.

They kiss.


End file.
